She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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