Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
