Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
