Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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