I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
