i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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