Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
