I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
