So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
