So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
