Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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