it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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