DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
