I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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