there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
