we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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