hotel room ftw
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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