I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
