I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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