You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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