using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
