This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
