im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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