yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
