Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
