You can't special order awesome
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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