Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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