I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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