The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
