I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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