she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
