I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
