Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
