How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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