U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
