thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
