So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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