Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize