Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
