We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think my tv is drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
