so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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