I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
