imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
