I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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