I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
