it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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