I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
