this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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