just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize