Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize