if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
