Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
