i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
