would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
