I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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