Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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