there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
where are my eyebrows?
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