Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
