Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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