I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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