I showed him my bush... on skype.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Even my vagina gasped.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
