why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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