Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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