When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
