ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
