I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
