I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize