Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
