All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
