Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
