Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
