I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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