i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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